Terms & Conditions
US:
We operate the website.
We supply the goods.
We process payments.
We protect your data (more on that here).
We process your orders.
We get your order on its way a.s.a.p.
We process returns & refunds on individual basis.
We reserve the right to change, refuse, backtrack, flip-flop, deny, misrepresent, and outright bullshit our way out of uncomfortable or unprofitable situations.
We know we’re shits sometimes. We know that we should know better. We are sincerely sorry for any pain and suffering we may have caused, or will cause in the future, to those at whose expense some of the content on this website is delivered. However, in our opinion, it was either all in the spirit of fun or they probably deserved what they got.
Too bad, so sad.
We accept very little in a way of any responsibility and this is something you either agree to (or at least agree to tolerate for now) or need to make the very, very difficult choice and leave this website right now.
To paraphrase one of our favorite songs: now you’re messin’ with (many) a son of a bitch!
YOU:
You need to have a sense of humor.
You better be a grown up or be hoping to become one very soon (certainly before you or your parents are eligible to file any lawsuits against us).
You can browse and read all you like.
You don’t have to sign up for or commit to squat.
You DO ACCEPT COOKIES by using this website. Period.
You can purchase stuff.
You can pay for it (or not).
You can expect to have the goods delivered as paid for.
You can have an opinion on the quality of service and merchandise and share it with us and/or the world as you damn well please.
You can claim refunds, returns, rewards, awards, prizes, titles, gestures of good will and charity, and all sorts of freebies you may win in our contests or swag you may qualify for just because.
You agree to the herein Terms & Conditions by continuing to use this website and interact with us in this largely unregulated and risk-laden manner with very little legal recourse (due largely to the fact we don’t really exist anywhere in particular and are unlikely to cause enough damage to warrant a full on global FBI or INTERPOL investigation resulting in any meaningful convictions or fines).
WE:
We agree that this website and our activities in general are not for everybody and you should probably be a grownup (and so should we) to interact without doing harm to each other. If you are not – go ask your mommy! We’ll do the same.
We can probably figure most things out without the need to involve lawyers or law enforcement. We can certainly communicate and come to an understanding on any contentious matters on our own.
We agree that, in most cases, if anyone takes offence to the shit we did, giving us an imaginary, virtual, or visual finger and calling our interactions quits is usually enough of a retribution to get a sense of justice having been served and the universe returning to its previous harmony and balance.
In extreme cases, where we appear to have hurt the feelings or rattled sensitivities of a larger group of disgruntled subjects of a nation, genderosity or religious group or other mass formation, we will seriously consider whether prolonging the pain for those masses by continuing with the stupidities we have engaged in to precipitate such a strong reaction is worth the opposite effect of entertaining other masses at their expense (or not).
We agree that this ‘considering’ may take some time and a proper reaction may be contingent on how long it takes us to gather proper feedback and consult subject matter experts to arrive at the wisest conclusion possible and then undertake remedial steps (or not).
Savvy?
If any of this stuff failed to answer any questions you may still have, check out our What the F.A.Q.? page.
Maybe something there will scratch that itch. Have fun!
WARNING: if you bought your FAR.T from anywhere else, it likely reeks of fraud!
FARTSTOCK.com is THE ONLY place to get a unique, 100% genuine, authentic F.ART Production original piece’o’f.art.
We keep a record of all our exquisite clientelle and so you can always ask the seller for a client id and which item they bought.
We’ll gladly verify the true nature of the goods for you.
